Limang Taon

(isang pag-alala kay Y)

Limang taon na ang nakaraan
mula ng mangyari ang trahedyang yun.
Hinding hindi ko makakalimutan
ang mga eksenang huli nating pinagsamahan.
Biniro pa kita noon,
“tumataba ka yata,” ang sabi ko.
“hiyang eh,” ang dagling sagot mo.
Ngunit ramdam ko
ang lamig ng mga tingin mo.
Ang galit na pilit mong itinatago.
Ang sakit na dulot ng mga huwad na pangako.
Ang pagmamahalang nauwi sa pagkakalayo.
Limang taon.
Nagsisi ako.
Sinayang ko ang isang pagkakataon
na sana’y naging katuparan ng mga pangarap ko.
Binalewala ko
ang pagmamahal na inalay mo.
Naghangad ako
ng higit pa sa ibinigay mo –
ang puso mo,
para sa akin.
Samantalang ako,
hindi man lamang nakuntento.
Ang salawahan kong puso.
Nadama ko ang parusang iginawad mo.
Nagtiis ako
Kahit lumipas ang limang taon.

Ngayon masaya ka na.
Natupad ang isang pangarap na hindi ko nagawa.
Masaya na rin ako para sa yo.
Nakamit ko ang kalayaan sa araw ng kasal mo.
Hindi ko maikakailang nainggit ako.
Naghangad na sana’y matagpuan ko rin
Ang ligayang hinahanap ko
Sa kandungan ng mahal ko.
Kahit lumipas ang ilang taon.

-HH

currentDektop01Apr05

currentDektop01Apr05
Originally uploaded by LOrdSteiN.

my current desktop

MOVES DARKNESS VAST

.


But this condition is permanent;
This comedy of beauty and delight
Is like the snow, the dew, the leaf, the night,
Like snow it melts and quickly it is spent;
Like dew it shines and swiftly it is gone;
Like leaf it blows, then quietly it falls
Like night it has its stars but through its halls
Moves darkness vast enveloping the sun.

Vast is night’s darkness; but more vast, more deep,
More fearful is the darkness of unknowing;
The ignorance that makes the soul to sleep,
That stops the light of God in man from growing;
And fills the human heart with fear, instead,
And turns the earth into a house of dread.

-BENITO REYES
DIALOGUES WITH GOD
Sonnet psalms on the significance of being human
.
.

THE TEARS, THE TEARS OF THINGS

But, oh, the tears, the tears of things that flood
The earth and sky, my Lord: the leaves that fall;
The flowers that fade; the birds that die; and all
The agony of flesh and bone and blood.
And how about the loneliness of heart
Bereft of care; the aches of dark disease;
The sorrow of despair on bended knees
Beyond the help of science and art.

Well I remember one so sweet and young
Who died both hopelessly and tearlessly
Of fell disease beyond both thought and tongue;
She shed no tears, O Lord, not fearlessly:
The anguish was too deep for fearlessness;
There, perhaps, too, are tears of tearlessness.

-Benito Reyes
(Dialogues With God –
Sonnet psalms on the significance of being human)

Your light ever so subtle
but yet again, so bright.
So convoluted...
by the mysteries of the night.

Clouds of misty blue
magically floating
all over you.

and I wish...
I wish...
I could too.

Thin as a whisper,
in the silence of the night,
like a veil of fine lace
draped softly about your face.

So sheer...
Then solid does replace.
Sometimes I can see
but an inkling of your face.

Or you become
but an ethereal line of light.
In every form you are
a truly remarkable sight.

Your lines curved between clouds,
like a majestic bird
soaring in flight...
A power, a wonder
Of the night.

Then alas,
you reappear in full view,
ever so slowly
hazy and subdued.

You are the essence of the night.
And for a moment
you are in the clear,
radiant and glowing,
your brilliance all showing.

Your aura almost religious...
The light with which you grace
forming a muted cross about your face,
as if God was standing in that space
saying 'My Child, Keep the Faith.'

Alone, in this room
I stare at this Blue Moon
letting the peace of it sink in...
Knowing, far too soon,
it will shroud itself again.

I ask God,
“Why do you show me such beauty,
when again it must desist?”

He said, “My Child, I show you,
so you believe that it exists…”

You Are MIne

I will come to you in the silence,
I will lift you from all your fear.
You will hear my voice,
I claim you as my choice,
Be still and know I am here.

Do not be afraid, I am with you.
I have called you each by name.
Come and follow me
I will bring you home;
I love you and you are mine.

I am hope for all who are hopeless,
I am eyes for all who long to see.
In the shadows of the night.
I will be your light,
Come and rest in me.

Do not be afraid, I am with you,
I have called you each by name.
Come and follow me
I will bring you home;
I love you and you are mine.

I am strength for all the despairing,
Healing for the ones who dwell in shame.
All the blind will see,
The lame will run free,
And all will know my name.

Do not be afraid, I am with you,
I have called you each by name.
Come and follow me
I will bring you home;
I love you and you are mine.

I am the Word that leads all to freedom,
I am the peace the world cannot give.
I will call your name,
Embracing all your pain.
Stand up, now walk, and live!

Do not be afraid, I am with you.
I have called you each by name.
Come and follow me
I will bring you home;
I love you and you are mine.

One More Gift

REFRAIN:
If there's one more gift
I'd ask of You, Lord
It would be peace here on earth;
As gentle as Your children's laughter
All around, all around

Your people have grown weary
Of living in confusion
When will we realize
That neither heaven is at peace
When we live not in peace (REFRAIN)

Grant me serenity within
For the confusions around
Are mere reflections
Of what's within
What's within me (REFRAIN)


("serenity within" yes that was what i felt while i was listening to this song when i was having the dark moments of my life...
it was the years when i was struggling to find my path and the disappointments were my stepping blocks to move on...
as right now, while im having this crisis, will i ever feel the same inner peace? will i still make it like what i have gone through before?
...

Pilgrim's Theme

*

Tired of weaving dreams too loose for me to wear
Tired of watching clouds repeat their dance on air
Tired of getting tired of doing what's required
Is life a mere routine in the greater scheme of things

Through with taking roads someone else designed
Through with chasing stars that soon forget to shine
Through with going through one more day - what's new
Does my life still mean a thing in the greater scheme of things

REFRAIN 1:
I think I'll follow the voice that calls within
Dance to the silent song it sings
I hope to find my place
So my life can fall in place
I know in time I'll find my place
In the greater scheme of things

Each must go his way, but how can I decide
Which path I should take, who will be my guide
I need some kind of star to lead me somewhere far
To find a higher dream in the greater scheme of things

The road before me bends, I don't know what I'll find
Will I meet a friend or ghosts I left behind
Should I even be surprised that You're with me in disguise
For it's Your hand I have seen in the greater scheme of things (REFRAIN 1)

BRIDGE:
For Yours is the voice in my deepest dreams
You are the heart, the very heart
Of the greater scheme of things (REFRAIN 1)

REFRAIN 2:
Why don't we follow the voice that calls within
Dance to the silent song it sings
One day we'll find our place
For all things fall in place
For all things have a place
In the greater scheme of things


*

(just something that made me think of her again)


I often wondered what could have been
If you and I have never parted ways
Thoughts of you still linger
As if it was just yesterday

I can still see your face
Each time I close my eyes
I hear your voice
When I go to bed at night

There are times that I would long for your voice
Of just a peek of your smile...
But, I guess it wasnt meant to be
For fate have made its call

We were both to go separate ways
Me, pursuing my dreams
You, chasing your own
Leaving us with no chance at love once more...

Somehow...
Sometimes...
I wish...
I never learned to dream...
So I can help you chase your dream...



(you'll be the only ONE in my Heart)

proem

Forgive O Lord
when in the fire of Joy
and the passion of my love for you
wrapt in wonderment of what you do....

i have the inclination to employ
repeatedly the same glad word or phrase
reiterating all my faith and love
over and over like cooing dove
to worship you O Father and to praise

Love must repeat its protestations thus
and even though there are variations
in this dialogues between the two of us
look down with mercy father on this sin of repetition

Lord my mind is weak
and you are vast
and i can only squeak



(this is an entry of Dr. Benito Reyes on his book "Dialogues with God" which i have been reciting in the moments of my life where all faith seems lost...

somehow it gives me a renewed inner strength to carry on...

Manatili Ka

Manatili ka kahit sandali
Hihilumin Ko ang iyong hapdi
Bakit lagi nang nagmamadali
Di malilisan ang 'yong pighati

Isaysay sa 'Kin lahat mong pait
Yayakapin Ko lahat mong sakit
Manahimik na't mata'y ipikit
Bubulungan ka ng 'sang oyayi

Kailan titigilan ang 'yong katatakbo
Kailan pipigilan pagpasan mo sa mundo

Manatili ka kahit sandali
Buuin muli ang 'yong sarili
Magtiwala ka't tayo'y magwawagi
Ang pulang ulap ay mahahawi